Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
