That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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