My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
