I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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