Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
