God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
