Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
