I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
