is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
