Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
