Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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