Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
