Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
