nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
