She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
