I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Found your dick twin last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
