Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
