you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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