Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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