Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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