I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
where are my eyebrows?
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