A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
