hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
