I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
