So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
