Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
