you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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