hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
