I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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