I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
