when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
