it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
