yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We left the knife in your bed.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
