didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
