I'm drive I can fine osifer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
