shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
