His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
