pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
