i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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