hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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