I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He passed out mid-signature
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
