i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
