all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
