Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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