The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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