i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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