Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
