This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
