Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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