I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
