so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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